fart (Def): wind from the anus

This morning in surgery, a young man brings a complaint, not from him, but from his girlfriend:
"She's saying that every time I turn over in bed I break wind and what are you going to do about it?"
This complaint goes into the category of "things I've never encountered in general practice before" You might think that 36 years after qualifying this would be a rare occurrence, but no, I encounter a situation I've never seen before about once a fortnight. I consider for a long moment, then respond:
"I'd say it was normal to release gas on changing position, so tell your girlfriend not to worry about it"
I'm fairly sure this will not satisfy her, but it's the best I can do. But as an afterthought I suggest he might want to steer clear of the (well known) gas producing foods, beans, etc.

I heard yesterday that Lord Hutton, he of the David Kelly enquiry, is to seal all details of his post mortem findings for 70 years. Now, the government knew he was a safe pair of hands when they picked him, but here he must have exceeded even their expectations. Isn't it now clear that that information would reveal that Kelly did not in fact commit suicide, but rather was indeed murdered by agents of the state determined not to allow him to reveal details of how the notorious "dodgy dossier" was sexed up?. My question is rhetorical. Of course it bloody is.