Now England begins to sweat

Until last week a cosy air of complacency hung over the English regarding the preposterous idea that Scotland might actually secede from the U.K. Surely not! we cried. But as a classically educated friend once pointed out to me: "As soon as you use the word 'surely' you're losing the argument."
Then that Ugov poll appeared and changed everything.


Now the opinion polls north of the border are poised on a knife edge. Good God! we started thinking. We could actually lose this!


My head tells me that the SNP has a far better range of arguments for independence than their opponents; I mean, they've even got the better word: Yes! means Yes I can! and Yes I will! No on the other hand sounds like a petulant child refusing to co-operate with its parents: NO I can't! No I won't! So if I were a Scot I would most definitely vote Yes. But then I am an Englishman, and my heart says I want them to vote No.


It is a strange day indeed when I find myself in full agreement with David Cameron, but it was himself who pointed out that this was in essence a contest between the head and the heart. And in my English heart I can see what the consequences to the U.K. around the world might be. There could be a spectacular run on the pound (doubtless organised by George Soros, who made £1 billion in a single day the last time that happened). Shares in British blue chip companies could plummet, costing thousands of jobs. And be in no doubt: we would be a laughing-stock from Beijing to Rio. Can't even hold their own little country together? What's wrong with them? Next thing we'd lose our seat on the Security Council, in fact it would only take UKIP winning the next election and pulling us out of the EU and we really would be some obscure offshore island of little consequence.


So, if I may quote David Bowie, Scotland, stay with us. We need you for fuck's sake!