Vapo, vapo man

I wanna be your vapo man! That's right! Pelagius has joined the increasing numbers of smokers changing to "vaping"; the practise of inhaling water vapour laced with nicotine. Minus the tar and carbon monoxide, it is reckoned to be far safer than actually smoking a cigarette, cigar or pipe. Whether it is completely harmless is a question that will need a lot more research to establish, though simple reason dictates it must be safer.

I tried doing it in a restaurant the other day, and nobody said Jack to me, though there are apparently moves afoot to ban it in public places, on the grounds, not that it may be harmful to others, which I doubt, but that it continues to encourage the use of a highly addictive drug. This I cannot argue with, and would be happy to confine myself, like homosexuality, to be restricted to its use only by consenting adults in private. Meanwhile I have halved my cigarette intake overnight, and am working on reducing it still more. We'll see what happens...

STATE FUNERALS

I like a nice state funeral. The first one I remember is Winston Churchill's. I was only 14 at the time, but I still remember the cranes of London's docklands dipping low in respect as the funeral barge processed down the Thames. That and Richard Dimbleby's sombre, immensely noble commentary.

There was Diana's of course, though I didn't watch that live, preferring instead to play a round of golf. (though I did wear a black loop in my lapel) I wish I'd seen her brother, the Earl Spencer's speech in the Abbey, when the audience began (much against established protocol) to applaud, a theme which was then taken up by the crowds outside. What a moment in history that was!

However, the one I recall most vividly was Indira Ghandi's funeral in 1984. My wife at that time declared her desire to watch the whole thing and as I watched with her, I, and the rest of the world could look on in wonder at the quite marvellous Hindu method of despatching their dead. They are cremations, of course, and carried out in the open air where everyone can see everything. For me the most wonderful moment came as the corpse burst into flames, and one of the holy men cast fragrant herbs and spices onto the pyre.
"This presumably carries a spiritual significance in the Hindu faith" said the commentator to the resident Indian "expert".
"Oh no", he replied. "That's just to mask the smell of burning flesh."