Beware the love test

Have you ever given someone a love test? Did it work? I bet it didn't. They usually don't. What is a love test? Try this example for size. In the generally execrable film Pandora and the Flying Dutchman, the Ava Gardner character asks her paramour to push his beloved racing car over a cliff as proof of his love. He complies, but unbridled happiness does not ensue. This is a pretty gross example. but it will do for the moment. The point is, what if Ava Gardner's squeeze had said "Ill do anything for love but I won't do that"? Marked the end of the relationship I guess. But would you want to be hitched to a gal who laid that kind of shit on you? I think not.


Love tests can involve same-sex friendships. My wife has an old friend who had a habit of making dinner dates with her, only to cry off at the last minute. After it had happened several times, I suggested she confront her friend with the charge of "friend abuse". It has not happened again. This is a phenomenon seen in medicine too, where a patient will make an appointment, only to fail to show up. The doctor has passed his love test by offering the appointment; there is no need to follow through. I knew a psychiatrist once who noted a similar behaviour in some of his charges where they would turn up for their appointments only as the time for them was about to run out- just to make sure that he had made the necessary commitment.


If we are trying to raise money for charity and are reckless enough to attempt to tap our friends, we run the risk of their failing the love test we have foisted upon them, by refusing to hand over any cash. And we durst not challenge them, lest we be told some unpalatable home truths about the way we choose to operate. It's a no-win situation. If our subject passes their love test, they may still resent their being tested in the first place. And if they fail, where does that leave us? This way can lead to the death of friendship or love.


It's a dangerous road to travel: you need to be tough, and feel very secure in your relationships. Be careful out there. It's a jungle...