Sunday, 24 June 2012

Enough of the hypocrisy already, David

Our leader has made a couple of pronouncements this week. First he took it upon himself to label Jimmy Carr's attempts to reduce his tax bill as morally wrong. This despite the fact that his own father made millions specialising in tax-free, off shore companies, millions that David has directly benefited from.

Then he announced that one way of saving £2 billion would be to take housing benefits from the under-25s. They can go and live with their parents if they can't afford it, can't they? seems to be his way of solving the problem of his proposed actions, which would put thousands of young people out on the street. £2 billion sounds like a lot of money, but remember the welfare bill is over £200 billion, considerably larger than the cost of funding the NHS.

We have all witnessed this week the flooding in many parts of Britain, the latest in a series of disastrous floods that have afflicted Britain in the last few years. This is one effect of global warming, and has arrived precisely on cue as the climate modelling specialists predicted.

I first hatched this idea in 2007, just as we were being drenched with floods the length and breadth of our nation, coinciding with Gordon Brown's installment as PM. I thought at the time, before the Great Financial Meltdown, that it would be a great idea to mount an enormous project, the equal of the massive schemes of the 19th century, like the expansion of the canal system, and especially the creation of a sewage network for the country so good it is still in use today.

Now money is tighter, we are told, but in a way that provides even more of an imperative to such a plan. By the use of quantitative easing, we could print the money, as the Americans did in the 1930s when they built the Hoover Dam and other great hydrological schemes to help lift the US out of the Great Depression.

I propose we target the 100 most vulnerable areas to flooding and build serious defences that will last for hundreds of years. The scheme could cost £40 billion, not cheap you might say, but certainly money well spent; better say, than a similar amount we forked out to fund our adventures in Iraq and Afghanistan. To help fund the project, we could abandon that national ego booster known as the Trident submarine and a few other completely unnecessary war accessories- it's called "socially useful work", and I for one venture to suggest it's a better idea than picking on the young people: give them some work to do...

Thursday, 21 June 2012

Pelagius the strike breaker

I could just cop out of this and say my work rota these days does not include working on a Thursday, so any view I might have about the doctor's strike today might be considered purely academic. However, plenty of people who aren't even doctors have had their say on the subject, so I guess I'm as entitled as anyone else to put my oar in.

The word on the street is that the medics are not getting a lot of support from the gen pub, and you can kind of see why. Doctors are protesting about their pension arrangements, which have been changed by a government with one eye on enforcing the new austerity measures and the other on the growing pressure on pensions due to a burgeoning elderly population. What they've done to the docs is unfair, but it is no more, or even rather less than has been inflicted on a huge number of public and private sector employees. Thousands of these have not only had the pensions squeezed; they've lost their jobs altogether.

And so the ordinary citizen examines the pensions doctors can look forward to under the new arrangements, getting on for 50K a year and a six figure lump sum, and they think, mm, doesn't sound too bad to me. So what are they whining about?

We doctors need to be very careful to keep the public onside and not give them an opportunity to see us as money grabbing bastards. Most doctors aren't; they work long and hard for their superior remuneration, but that fact is getting lost amidst the cries that we seem to be demanding a better deal than everyone else.

Monday, 18 June 2012

Nalbandian: pronounced idiot

COMMENT

1. Yesterday David Nalbandian, an experienced and talented Argentinian tennis player, disgraced himself in front of a crowd of several thousand and a TV audience of millions. Miffed at having his service broken, and seeing his opponent reeling him in after taking the first set from him, savagely kicked the advertising hoarding surrounding a line judge. This then shattered and struck the linesman's leg, drawing blood. The referee instantly disqualified him. Later, Sue Barker, that consummate sporting journalist, interviewed him live, offering him the opportunity to apologise. What did he do? Well, he sort of apologised, though half hearted would be my description of what he said. He then went on to insist that the ATP shoulder some of the blame as they were responsible for the poor playing surface all the players had had to endure throughout that week.
Pelagius's verdict: pathetic. Behaving like a spoilt child who wishes to evade responsibility for breaking a toy, he completely failed to apologise properly to the people most entitled to one: the crowd. They had payed upfront for the privilege to watch a match which was in reality shaping up for an intriguing climax, and what did they get? A truncated mess. The same applies to the millions, like me, who were watching the match on TV.
Peter Fleming, one of the most articulate and thoughtful sports commentators out there, said that what we all needed to hear was, essentially, "mea culpa", but we didn't get anything like that. Could the Latin American temperament have something to do with it, the "loss of face" thing? I don't really care. He didn't hold his hands up as he should have done, and for that as much as the minor injury he caused, he should be fined 25,000 euros by the ATP and banned from Wimbledon, which is how I think the FA would deal with an offence like this.

2. EGYPT BACK IN DEEP SHIT AFTER PROMISING START

Yesterday in Egypt the military, who have always held the real power in that benighted country, undermined the "free and fair" elections by issuing a decree claiming great swathes of power for themselves, whoever wins.

I remember some cynical, though seasoned, political commentator warning last year that their famous toppling of Moubarak would probably change very little for the ordinary citizen in the medium to long term. Now his words appear frighteningly prescient in view of events yesterday. Seems it takes rather more than getting rid of a long-term tyrant to change the country down to its foundations, as the Egyptian people are finding as they go about their day today. Clemenceau once said war is too important to be left to the generals. He should perhaps have added, and politics too...

Thursday, 14 June 2012

watching the language evolve, right before your eyes

I overheard a conversation between 2 young girls yesterday:

1st girl: I tex you this morning. Did you get it?
2nd girl: Yeah, and I tex you right back.

That's right. It is now universally accepted in Britain that "Tex" has supplanted "text", presumably because it is easier to say. I wouldn't be surprised if this is soon recognised by dictionaries, which characteristically lag several years behind real spoken language on the ground. In much the same way I notice nearly everyone, sports commentators included, use "sickth", in favour of the the annoyingly difficult-to-enunciate "sixth". Soon we won't even say "six" any more, but "sick".

Don't get me wrong. I'm not deploring these changes, which represent a genuine example of the evolution of language, just chronicling them. I'm not one those dinosaurs lamenting the appalling pass our language has come to. English hasn't been a static language since Anglo-Saxon somehow got conflated with Celtic dialects and Latin and got to the early English the Venerable Bede spoke and wrote when he created "The Eclesiastical History of the English Peoples".

English changes over time as all languages do, which is why when we hear early or middle English spoken now it sounds so strange. There are sort of echos of modern English in it, but it's like listening to a drunken Geordie. And that needs sub titles, in any one's lingua franca.

Tuesday, 12 June 2012

I swear by Almight God to tell lies, a tissue of lies and nothing but lies

COMMENT: THE LEVESON SHOW.

Are you still interested in the Leveson enquiry? You should be. In the hallowed halls near Westminster, we are seeing a fascinating window into modern societal mores.

Yesterday we saw 2 senior politicians lying persistently to paint themselves in a more favourable light, which I suppose is why most of us tell lies. Gordon Brown said he never briefed against other ministers when he was in power (lie) and even said he never hatched plans to spring a general election in the autumn of 2007 (another lie, proved by labour party accounts which show they spent hundreds of thousands on the scheme before it was later shelved) and that he wasn't close to the Murdochs, even though their children played together frequently.

Then George Osborne said he wasn't really interested in who won the bid to buy BSkyB, which is a bit odd considering his job description, which I would have thought said something about taking an interest in business deals involving tens of billions of pounds. If the Chancellor of the Exchequer isn't interested in such things, he bloody well should be.

I never thought I'd say this, but I've almost got more respect for the scabrous press barons, Dacre and Desmond, who quite openly stated that their only interest was in turning a healthy profit, and bugger the ethics. At least they were honest...

Thursday, 7 June 2012

Above and beyond the call of the NHS

A fit young woman came to see me in surgery this week. She was requesting anti-histamines to treat her "terrible" hay fever. When the weather in summer is cool, wet and breezy, pollen counts are low. It is calm, fine weather that elevates the count, causing symptoms for millions. And this lady certainly did not seem particularly affected as she sat before me. Nonetheless, the word "terrible" was invoked. I'm reluctant to treat hay fever; I have the condition myself, but would prefer to have the symptoms rather than cope with the effects (drowsiness is a common consequence) of the medication. However, I always issue a prescription when asked, as I did in this case.

At this point she said:
"Do you think you could get my pharmacy to deliver my prescription to my home? I really don't want to spend any more time than absolutely necessary out of doors."
My response was no, I couldn't do that. The delivery service is under great pressure, I explained, and it is reserved for stroke victims, the elderly , the wheelchair bound who CANNOT get out of their houses to fill their prescriptions. She seemed to be deeply shocked by my unfeeling remarks, though she said nothing. Perhaps it sank in as she considered what I said that perhaps there was something in them. Looking like someone deeply depressed, she slunk out of my consulting room, and into the history books. This is the first time anyone has made such an outrageously inappropriate request, and I remain in a minor state of shock as to how anyone could be that selfish. But this is the face of the modern NHS, and of many of the people who use it...

Tuesday, 5 June 2012

jubilee schmubilee

On the day of the silver jubilee I attended a rock against racism concert. On the day of the royal wedding in 1981 my friends and I took a four hour bike ride. In 1997, on the day of Diana's funeral I played golf. On the day of Will and Catherine's wedding, my wife and I took a long walk in the forest of Dean. Yesterday we made another walk in the hills south of Abergavenny. Today I am working a shift at our local out-of-hours centre, while my wife will watch Djokavic vs Tsonga in the French Open tennis.

As we can see, I am not really a royalist at heart. I am aware that many countries claim to admire and envy our hereditary head of state, but I still think this system should be dismantled and their wealth distributed to the people who have contributed to it, whether they wanted to or not, for centuries past. And as for a head of state, as it happens I don't believe in the state either, so the question doesn't arise. I have always believed communities should be in charge of their own lives and destinies, and that no one else is entitled to rule in their place. My views are not widely held, or even popular, but I am entitled to them and will continue to espouse them til my dying day. So there.

Friday, 1 June 2012

May book and film review

BOOKS

THE DON FLOWS HOME TO THE SEA, by Mikhail Sholokov. On the losing side in the civil war between the Reds and the Whites in post revolutionary Russia, Gregor struggles to find his way an an uncertain new world. The concluding volume of Sholokov's magnum opus "And Quiet Flows the Don" keeps up the impressive standard set by the first part. Sholokov is less interested in politics than the people and the extraordinary beauty of the landscape in which they play out their lives. The Soviets, including Stalin, had a soft spot for Sholokov, and hence he survived all the terrible purges and lived to win the Nobel prize, primarily for this marvellously human book. Read it.
THE TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE, by B Traven. A trio of American indigents head for the Mexican hills to find their fortunes. But they underestimate the madness-inducing powers of that precious yellow metal... Impossible to think of this book without recalling the wonderful John Huston movie, one of the very best to come out of 1940s Hollywood. But none of it would have been possible without this book. Nonetheless, B Traven, a man about whom almost nothing is known beyond his literary output, has produced a work which can stand alone as a fine piece of writing, with excellent characterisation and a riveting plotline.
THE DEATH SHIP, by B Traven. A seaman is left behind by his ship in a foreign port, taking all his papers with him. He quickly finds that without a passport a man does not exist. He is deported from one country to the next until he finds a ship ready to take him on, with or without his papers. But he is soon wishing he'd never gone aboard. Once again, Mr Traven weaves a vivid spell on the reader with his description of life aboard a "death ship", that is one where the profit motive rules, and the captain cares little for the plight of his sailors, who work endless shifts in hellish conditions. One of those books which should remind us all how lucky we are not to be in the same boat. A gripping and rewarding read.

FILMS

LA KERMESSE HEROIQUE (Carnival of Heroes) 1935, D- Jaques Feyder. In early 17th century Flanders, a small town preparing for its annual carnival learns its Spanish rulers are coming to stay for the weekend. Fearful he will be the first to be hanged, the mayor plays dead. Meanwhile his wife takes over and decides the best way for everyone to survive is to make the imperial ruler's stay a pleasure... This film scandalised many at the time, with its suggestion of collaboration with the enemy, and was banned in several countries, and Truffaut labelled it "worst film ever made". It isn't though. It's actually a wickedly funny look at small town hypocrisy. Worthwhile viewing.
THE LAST DETAIL (1973) D- Hal Ashby. Two marines are given the job of taking a small time thief to military prison. On the way they decide to give him a good time prior to serving out his 7 year sentence. In what has been called an existential masterpiece, the two soldiers (Otis Young and a truly excellent Jack Nicholson) find their dreams constantly confronted by grim reality. A brilliant film, one of the best to come out of the early 1970s, due in no small part to the terrific screenplay of Robert Towne, who went on to write an even greater Nicholson vehicle, "Chinatown". Highly recommended.
THE AGONY AND THE ECSTASY (1965)D-Carol Reed. At the height of the Renaissance, Pope Julius orders Michaelangelo to paint the Sistine Chapel. Despite this honour, Mike is not a happy bunny: he wants to sculpt in marble, which he knows is his real strength. But you can't say no to a pope... By 1965 the "historical epic" was thought of as a sure-fire money maker, and having Charlton Heston (Mr Epic) was probably thought to seal the deal as a blockbuster. Pity then, that they couldn't have got hold of a better screenplay. The public wasn't convinced, and the movie flopped.
Buonarotti is also depicted as a man who liked women, whereas history is emphatic he was gay. Maybe they thought this wouldn't go down well with a 1960s audience, but it's a sign of the lack of substance at the film's heart. Still, there are a few strong scenes, particularly when Rex Harrison's pope is preparing to lead his armies into a charge on a small Italian hill town, but is distracted by his protege who brings his plans to him at a crucial moment. The attack is delayed while they pore over his spectacular ideas for the Sistine ceiling. We tend to forget several early popes were warriors, and perhaps the reminder is salutary...
THE CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK (2004)D-David Twohy. On a distant planet, a fit young black man battles against dark forces, with only Judy Dench, Thandie Newton and some excellent upper body development to help him. There's a "Family Guy" episode where Peter and the guys reminisce about the time when they all got wasted and went to see a late night showing of this movie. I suspect this may be the only way to enjoy such a piece of execrable crap. It also shows how Dame Judy will do (almost) anything for a sufficiently good paycheck.
BATTLESTAR GALACTICA (1978)D- John Colla, created by Glen Larson. In a galaxy far, far away, a youthful Dirk Benedict (you remember him, he played Face in the A team)leads the fight against implacable enemies. An heroic Lorne Greene leads the makeshift army, while Jane Seymour provides them with additional reasons to continue their struggles.
The success of Star Wars made low budget rip-offs like this almost inevitable, and while I may have had problems with the George Lucas franchise, compared to this they were simply sublime. The writing, the special effects and the acting are among the worst I have ever had to sit through. Take my advice: don't bother with it.
A SCREAMING MAN (2011) D- Mahamout Saleh Haroun. In the impoverished sub-Saharan state of Chad, a former African swimming champion has found his niche as a pool-guy, but this is threatened when his son is given the job and he is demoted. Meanwhile, just beyond the walls of the hotel where he works, a civil war is drawing ever closer to the front gate which he now mans... Made to high professional standards, with fine acting and editing, this is a wonderfully genuine film, highlighting both the strengths and weaknesses of the human character. Excellent.